Before my commitment to YWAM, I was living in Nashville, TN for several years. During my time in Nashville, God spoke to me a lot about dreaming with Him-and encouraged me to dream bigger with Him often. It was a beautiful season, and a time for those dreams to grow and develop. When God asked me to come back to YWAM Maui to help staff, I had no idea the heart journey He was about to take me on!
My first month staffing, He asked me to surrender all my dreams. He wanted me to give all of them back to Him. At first, I was angry, hurt, and confused. “What? Why? Didn’t you want me to have faith for these? You have been speaking to Me about them for years, God. YOU told me to dream bigger about them when I was afraid to, why are you taking them away?”. These were the questions that came up in my fear that He was changing His mind on some of the deepest dreams of my heart.
I didn’t understand and struggled with why a good Father would do this. But even in my doubt of His intentions- I said yes to His request. I opened my heart and hands and gave Him back all my dreams. It was a hard process-and done with tears and a lot of questions.
But you know what His request revealed about my heart? What I believed about His nature. It showed me that I didn’t believe He was for me, that I was afraid He wouldn’t come through for me, and that He would withhold good things from me. WOW. And I thought I had already walked through that. But He was going deeper.
Because I said yes to surrender, He was able to touch areas of my heart that I didn’t know still needed healing. It let Him go to the roots of my wounds. And He knew that asking me to give Him back my dreams would open my heart to the process of healing. What sweet surrender!
What if I would have resisted to His poking and prodding? What if I would have said no to the area of my heart He was touching? I would still be in the same place I used to be-with wrong beliefs of His nature-of who He is! When we say yes to His process, we continue to walk in more freedom as He transforms and restores. He doesn’t want us to keep a band-aid on our wounds; He wants to heal our hearts and remove lies that keep us from knowing Him.
And you know what He has been showing me? That if I don’t know His goodness as a Father, my heart can’t fully receive or enjoy the gifts He has for me!
I am so thankful that I follow such a loving Father. He is good. He is faithful. He is worthy of me surrendering my everything. And what sweet surrender.
By Violet Stoltzfus