Some Day 83 Contemplations

*note: this blog post was written by a student on June 12th, 2020 🙂 *

Today is the day that  I thought I’d be graduating from YWAM Maui’s DTS program. I thought I’d be returning from outreach, celebrating and sharing all the things God had done overseas and reminiscing about all the memories we had made. But instead, today I am on day 83 in isolation at my home in Canada, sitting on my couch and waiting to go back… wow, not how I thought my experience was gonna go! But I can see exactly how my God was preparing my heart and mind for this season I am in right now. My life was completely changed in lecture phase— I have never felt so close to God. He spoke to me time and time again. He spoke to me about the love He had for me. How He’s been with me through everything in my life. And He even spoke some hard truths to me, things I maybe didn’t want to hear, but needed to hear. Alongside many other things, the biggest things that God taught me in my lecture phase was trust, lordship, and understanding His power more deeply.

The Lord spoke to me again and again about trust. It’s simple to say you trust someone, but fully relying on them is a completely different story. I didn’t understand what it meant to fully trust God. I didn’t understand how to walk through life with open hands. I didn’t understand that He is holding me, or even begin to know how to trust that fully being HIS is the most fulfilling and exciting thing I could ever do with the life He has given me. I found it so hard to trust God in this way; instead, I was wrapped up and consumed by fear, both of the big things and of the little things. Yet, time and time again that still small voice told me “Trust me.” And finally, I surrendered. He broke down my walls, and showed me He is fully trustworthy. I rely on Him alone.

Alongside learning about trust, I learned that I really needed God to be the “Lord of my life.” You can believe in Jesus and not have Him as Lord of your life. It says in the Bible, “even the demons believe [that Jesus exists]— and shudder.” True disciples of Jesus are marked by their overwhelming love for Jesus and for their willingness to submit every aspect of their life to Him. During my DTS, I gained a deep understanding that my life truly is not my own, that it was bought and redeemed with a price (Jesus’ sacrifice). I became so ready, so excited, so willing to have complete obedience to the things He will call me to do, to trust His voice no matter where it prompts me towards. I gained an understanding that my life is never going to be as fulfilling— or even as exciting—as it is supposed to be if I remain bent on doing my OWN will and my OWN plans. HIS ways are so much higher and better, and HIS promises are so good! He is worth my full obedience in every area. I want to give Him Lordship over my money, time, goals, relationships, education, and more. I want to be ready to receive whatever He has instore for me.

Lastly, during my time in Maui, I came to the realization that I doubted the power of God…and the conviction that I could no longer allow myself to do this. In one of my quiet times with the Lord, I was getting upset because I felt like I wasn’t hearing from Him. I felt like He’d speak to everyone else, but that He didn’t talk to me. And that’s when He told me “Megan, you doubt me.” Ouch. At first, I argued with Him, but as I started to reflect on the real posture of my heart, I could see clearly how I really did doubt Him. I doubted that I could fully trust Him and that I could fully give my life to Him, and I doubted that He’d even wanted to talk to me. After this moment and time of repentance, God gave me a revelation of His power and of the amazing, amazing love He had for me. He showed me that He IS trustworthy, that He DOES hear my cries and my prayers, that He WANTS to talk to little ol’ me!

All of these things that God taught me in my lecture phase prepared me for this strange season that I’m currently living in. Everything about this time in the world is filled with unknowns, but in my own life, I can see how this time of COVID-19 is allowing me to practice everything that He taught me in my DTS. Plus, to give me the strength to continue to Trust Him through the wait, He has given me amazing teammates and friends from my time in Maui! Because of technology, we all keep in close contact with each other. I can’t picture where I’d be if I had not learned the things that I did in my lecture phase at YWAM Maui. I’m so excited to continue to live out the things God has taught me, and to (hopefully, soon) finish the outreach portion of my DTS! He has given me such an excitement to see what else He will teach me in this season.

  • Megan, a Winter 2020 DTS Student

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